In these lean economic times when everyone is scaling back and doing without, I have an idea for something we can eliminate: Halloween.It’s not that I’m opposed to scary things like ghosts or goblins (because, really, I can think of scarier things like double-digit unemployment and the cost of college tuition). Nor is it that I am anti-candy (believe me, if there is one thing I am not it is anti-candy). It’s just that I think there are a lot of savings to be had from doing away with this one day—and without too much hardship.
Think, for example, of all the money that would be saved on costumes and candy. I don’t know what percentage of the gross national debt is Halloween candy but, judging from the line at Wal-Mart the other day, it’s high. Real high.
Then, too, there is all of the chaos and confusion that could be avoided if we simply didn’t have to deal with Halloween. I don’t care how well I plan for that night, I always seem to be scavenging for something—a safety pin, red lipstick, leg warmers—even as kids are making their way up the front walkway.
If all that doesn’t convince you, think of the children: think of all the angst and worry they will be spared over what to be and with whom to go trick-or-treating if we simply do away with the night all together.
Then, too, there is all of the chaos and confusion that could be avoided if we simply didn’t have to deal with Halloween. I don’t care how well I plan for that night, I always seem to be scavenging for something—a safety pin, red lipstick, leg warmers—even as kids are making their way up the front walkway.
If all that doesn’t convince you, think of the children: think of all the angst and worry they will be spared over what to be and with whom to go trick-or-treating if we simply do away with the night all together.
Sometimes I wonder who the geniuses are who sold us on Halloween. Who is it that has convinced ordinarily sane, rational adults that it would be a good idea to send their children out in the bitter cold in cheap costumes (for which, of course , we pay dearly), constructed of questionable materials (cardboard would be sturdier), dressed up as people we hope our children never become (jailbirds, gangsters, Snooki) to beg of strangers more candy than any one individual should eat in a lifetime. Who, I ask you!
Here's one thing I do know: when I meet these geniuses I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. Better yet, I'm going to wait until just before bedtime and give their children all of the candy my children collected last night. Then we’ll see what those geniuses think of Halloween and which ones will join me in my fight to do away with it once and for all.
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